she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
