i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
