I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
