i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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