i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
this is an emotional support booty call
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
