its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize