do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
