I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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