dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
