Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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