I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
