well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
