im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
