Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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