i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
