i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
