I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
