Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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