Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
