i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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