During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
