i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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