i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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