why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
