If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
