Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
