We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
soo... how was my night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
