Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
