i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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