So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
did i walk over a car last night?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
