i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
