She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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