Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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