I met the friendliest cop last night
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
