My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
