is your mom at the bar?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
