Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
