Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
