I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
