Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
