I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
