So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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