Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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