ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
