just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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