I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
