Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
