you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
