Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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