A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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