Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You are the jesus of drinking
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
