i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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