He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
