Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
