would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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