it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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