dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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