Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
