I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
