Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
MIDGETS
????
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
