Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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