so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
