We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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