Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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