What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
