Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
