My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
