Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This toilet bowl is my home.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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