I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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