the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize