i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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