I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
