I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
