you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
